I have been trying to write a post to follow my first one. The writing takes place in my head rather than on paper or here. Part of what disturbs me about the incident of the last post -- is my own sense of the need for spirituality or belief or faith or something. I wanted to stand up, I wanted to embrace a spiritual something beyond me.

I think of Hawthorne commenting on Melville after they talked in Liverpool when Melville visited Nat there. Hawthorne said to the effect that Melville devled deeply into spiritual manners. I won't say I am Melvillian in my search. But I am interested in the security that belief provides. Key to my own conceptions/doctrines are the belief that each person's relationship to belief belongs to them and them alone. No one can dictate belief or how to belief. It is why I have never felt comfortable organized religion. I don't believe that I can be told how and who to worship. To be told I have to believe one man's version of Jesus kills me -- just kills me. When I see what has been done in the name of organized religion, I can't believe.